Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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