He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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