I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
