Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
