It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
