why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I would fuck him just for his dog
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
