I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
