8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
