I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
