i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
