Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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