So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize