Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize