can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Semen is not good for contacts.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
