and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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