i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
