'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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