I think I won the penis lottery.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Pants are for mortals
Who died my cat blue again?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
