My nipple is on Facebook.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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