well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize