Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
