Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
