I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
