I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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