i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
