Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
