I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
