when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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