My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
