I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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