I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
