No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
