my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
