i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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