Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
