I faked an abortion last night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
