I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
