I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
