Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
