Can i not drive my cunt home
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
