there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
