I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize