Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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