before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
