you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
