Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
