like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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