mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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