go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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