i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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