The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
