Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
