I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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