Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize