I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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