So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
