Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
