Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
