I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
