How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
