I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
