mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
