Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
