I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
