you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
