Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
