we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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