Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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