I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
