would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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