How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
