I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
